Zach's PEN #42: A Hard, Sad Week

2021 Week 19: Sometimes you show up Monday thinking this week's gonna be fine...

Dear PENpals,

This was a week where everything seemed to go wrong, and then a friend of the family died, tragically, way too young.

I walked into Monday thinking everything was okay. This was going to be a week of progress, of focused attention to the things that need attention.

Monday was like 17 roundhouse kicks to the face.

Everything at once was broken, was late, was lost.

I will say that, by the end of the week, there were reasons to feel hopeful, mainly because my resilience appears to be stronger than it has ever been. I didn't fall apart, break down, or do anything I didn't intend to do. I didn't even miss anything that I did intend to do.

That's a really big deal for me.

The truth is, almost none of what happened is really about me, but this PEN is about me, so pardon my indulgence.

The weather is absolutely beautiful here in Philadelphia. I rode my bicycle through town several times this week, and the whole family went to our community garden plot to water the tomatoes and Louisa picked a flower. These are all digital photos taken with the Fuji X100V.

This Week's Posts

I wrote about my buddy Tom's amazing recording studio in an unlikely location.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/11/toms-studio.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

My friend Tom was looking for a place to set up a serious recording studio, and I think he's found the coolest possible space: An 1800s Lutheran Church.

I wrote about one of the strange (and only) things I'm unapologetically proud of work-wise.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/08/profile-photos.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

I'm generally not proud of my work (not being melancholy, I think it's fine, some of it may even be okay-bordering-on-good, it's just my standards are high), but there is one thing that makes me proud: 50+ people have used a photo I took as their profile picture on Facebook. 👇

I wrote about processing film at home, and there's a video of my film developing machine.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/09/processing-film-at.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

I've fallen in love with photography again thanks to shooting film, but there are some practical things that I've needed to implement (still easier for me than shooting digital, by the way). One of these practical things is that I can now develop my own film. 👇

I wrote about one thing that I thought didn't line up with this non-coercive productivity thing I've been blathering on about.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/10/noncoercive-perseverance.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

One of the only things that has felt incongruous with the non-coercive self-discipline regime I've fallen in love with over the past year (because it has worked incredibly well) is my past experience "pushing through" total overwhelm—taking the next step. 👇

I wrote about looking at addiction from a different angle that might help the layman understand this baffling thing better.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/13/take-everything-bad.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

Drug addicts (who for reasons use the term "alcoholic" primarily/interchangeably) are usually defined as people who can't control their drug use. "They start out to have a good time and then it's a shit show." The words "to have a good time" are doing a lot of work here. 👇

I wrote about an incredible thing that Beau Haan's Zettelkasten Fleeting Notes method unlocks.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/12/fleeting-note-formats.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

One of the implications of @beauhaan's take on Fleeting Notes that I'm super excited about (and I'm jumping ahead and Beau may disagree) is a meaningful and referenceable space for unstructured thoughts _in different formats, like handwriting, pictures, and recordings_. 👇

I wrote some thoughts about top-down structures, their place, and why most everywhere is NOT their place.

https://little.zachphillips.blog/2021/05/14/topdown-vs-bottomup.html

Zach Phillips (0/100 Practice Sessions) @zachphillips

This culture likes to turn everything into top-down structures. A top-down structure has its place but it will always be against the grain and therefore unhelpful and unsustainable outside of extreme moderation. A bottom-up structure is with the grain. 👇

I also went on a recovery podcast this week. I'll share it when it's posted.

That's all for this week, PENpals. Maybe next week will be better.

Much love and peace and comfort,

Zach